monthly music monday!
an apicultural playlist (sorry, no links)
animal collective — “bees”
ugly casanova — “beesting”
love as laughter — “i’m a bee”
add your own in the comments
THE BEES
This is the saga of how I got stung twice but also ate their house.
The BEES built a house in the school library where I hold my office hours. On my first BEE encounter I swatted at one, thinking it was a fly. As it turns out, it was actually an ANGRY BEE. At this point I didn’t realize how many of them there were.
The next encounter was during testing week, when they started causing COMPLETE BEEDEMONIUM*. Having claimed their territory, they began hostilely swarming the library**. BEES EVERYWHERE. Testing was nearly cancelled. THEN: I felt a puff land on my neck, moved to brush it off, but of course it was actually a BEE and the first sting.
Someone eventually removed the BEES from the library but a week or so later they were rebuilding their base of operations. So one of the teachers (I’m not sure how) tore the new hive right from the shelf. BEES EVERYWHERE, again. One of them (the BEES, that is) stung my back (perhaps out of spite? Who am I to know the motivations of a BEE?). So I joined the teacher with the house in his hand and ate a chunk, right there. It tasted like sweet, sweet honey with chunks of wax in it***.
Yeah, that’s right, BEES: You stung me twice, but I ate your house.
*I realize that this is a madeup word, but as I understand it the word “pandemonium” is reserved largely for uproars caused by cookware and a certain species of bear.
**Avoid the obvious pun, re: spelling bees.
***I.e., victory. Also, you spit out the wax chunks.
ULTIMATE INVENTION: Mosquito Net Jumpsuit
The Bobsoldout.com Research Laboratory proudly presents a new Bobsoldout.com feature, ULTIMATE INVENTION of the month. Thanks to the recent economic downturn, Bobsoldout.com was able to hire an entire team of scientists for literally peanuts a day*, who are now on contract to solve all of society’s ills. This month we present you with the Mosquito Net Jumpsuit, along with the new design term, “fashunctional.”
Send your requests for new inventions to bob [at] bobsoldout.com, subject: ULTIMATE INVENTIONS.
*Luckily we were able to find a team of scientists who just LOVE peanuts.
UPDATE! July 12: As it turns out, the mosquito net jumpsuit is awesomely real. The scientists at the Bobsoldout.com Research Laboratory sincerely apologize for re-inventing the jumpsuit, but then again, they only work for peanuts a day.
An Open Letter to Kenny Loggins
Dear Mr. Loggins,
Your smooth grooves have made a name for you all over the yacht rock community, which is why I’d like to alert you of Anchor (sophisticates pronounce it “ahn-chore”) Smooth Beer, brewed here in Cambodia. The can features multiple anchors and the word “smooth” written all over it.
This beer is obviously begging for your endorsement.
[Not to be confused with Anchor Steam Beer, out of San Francisco]
