I woke up this morning to the sounds of the mouse who lives in my ceiling and I got to thinking about what this mouse’s morning routine must be like. I imagined him making very small cups of coffee, reading a very small newspaper, and standing over a very small stove frying a very small egg. Of course this lead me to thinking about the very small chickens he must have cooped up there, and the thought of this mouse breeding his own animals suddenly became very disturbing to me. The sheer amount of time and effort it would take to breed chickens that small is mind-boggling in itself, especially given the life expectancy of mice, even ones who live soft lives in the ceiling, drinking their morning coffee and reading the paper. And the smallness of the eggs — the mouse must’ve been frying at least 4 or 5 of them just to make a single, reasonably mouse-sized omelet. I could probably eat over 100 of them.
And then you consider how smart this mouse is — after all, he’s bred a new type of chicken and subscribes to at least one print media publication (that we know about) — and you realize that perhaps a certain Warner Brothers cartoon was not much of an exaggeration, and perhaps it’s only a matter of time.
jf, npfw
johnfontaine [at] bobsoldout.com