Don’t be fooled by imposters, people — if your Mystery Treasure Bag isn’t Bobsoldout.com Approved, then it’s just garbage, plain and simple.
Send your requests for new inventions to bob [at] bobsoldout.com, subject: ULTIMATE INVENTIONS. More Inventions can be found here.
Bob, “chocolate love,” what does it mean?
This month the Bobsoldout.com Research Laboratory’s team of peanut-loving scientists had an eye on our classier readers, i.e., the ones with an eye on luxury:
Send your requests for new inventions to bob [at] bobsoldout.com, subject: ULTIMATE INVENTIONS. More Inventions can be found here.
Friend: Dude, horses scratch themselves with their hind legs, like dogs?
Me: What?
Friend: I swear that’s what I just saw.
Me: Huh. Who knew.
Friend: He just did it again!
The other night I was taking my nightly bucket shower, as per usual, and I was getting a good lather going with my new bar of soap when it launched right out of my hands and into the giant water basin. Luckily I grabbed the soap just as it was sinking out of view.
So, that was a close one. I almost lost a new bar of soap.
The cat is prowling — around, under, on top of, next to — a cabinet that is emitting thrashing noises. Curiosity gets the best of me, too, and I open the door, expecting something to scurry out. But it’s just a fish, flopping in a plastic bag.
Still, something about this situation strikes me as sinister.
Later, the cat eats a baby mouse.
The publisher of John Fontaine, noted pulp fiction writer, was so overjoyed 1) by the renewed interest that Bobsoldout.com is generating in Mr. Fontaine’s work and 2) that someone finally showed Mr. Fontaine how email works, that they sent us a character sketch of one of the new characters in Cows, Coward, Cowboys, and Vampires: The Rise of Count Cowcula (CCCV:RCC), which Mr. Fontaine is currently reworking:
Character name: (Benedict) Arnold Schwartzenburger
Nickname: Eggs Burger
Occupation: Head of the Moosquito Commando Unit (MCU)
Primary plot point: Betrays Count Cowcula by siding with the British
Catch phrases: “Get away from the meat chopper!” “I’ll be black angus beef!”
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 | JOHN FONTAINE PRESEN… on JOHN FONTAINE PRESENTS… … |
 | Mara on JOHN FONTAINE PRESENTS… … |
 | John on JOHN FONTAINE PRESENTS… … |
 | Lisa G on A very good layer |
 | Kelsey on a true story told in vers… |
